Episode One: The Girl Who Cried Monster

Do I remember this episode from before?: No.
Have I read the book: Maybe?
Most valuable character: Dad (Mr. Dark) for being a corny dweeb.
Feed them to the monsters?: Creepy Librarian Mortmon for being a creepy mouth-breather
Token minority: Aaron- Lucy'a black best friend

Synopsis: Pretty simple. Like the boy who called wolf but with a twist.

So our first episode starts off with the main character Lucy torturing her little brother Randy by telling him that monsters are going to eat his toes if he runs around barefoot. Rude, but reminiscent of my older sister Sarah. Lucy ends up convincing him that the monster gets her, and he runs off to tell Mom.
Best Randy line: How did all your toes grow back?!

Lucy then goes on a trip to the library, and tells the librarian that Black Beauty was boring and needed more monsters. Yes, obviously Ginger obviously should have become a flesh-eating zombie, getting revenge on all those who wronged her. Right.

The librarian, a bald man with a high voice, reminiscent of the eunuch Varys from game of thrones tells her to pick another book- and she picks Frankenstein. Because she likes monsters... Get it?

This is Mr. Mormont, the librarian. He is so done with Lucy at this moment 

About five seconds after leaving the library she realizes that she forgot her roller blades and runs back to discover something disturbing.

Mr Mortmon, the librarian is a bug-eating, stalk-eyed slimy monster.

Damn. Buy a toothbrush.

I discovered something too. Eating food and watching Goosebumps don't mix.

So, Lucy runs home to tell Mom and Dad. Guess what happens. They don't believe her. I know. Earth-shattering. Mom's more concerned with Dad's meatball making capabilities rather than the fact that her daughter just saw a real-live monster.

*Best subtext award goes to*:
Mom: Marty! You're making them too big!
Dad: What? I like big meatballs!
Sure you do Marty.

Lucy becomes determined to get proof that there's a real life monster in their midst. She takes a camera to the library the next day when she goes to return Frankenstein. Mortmont tries to make her feel sorry for the monster in the book, but Lucy's not having it. Then, taken out of context- Mortmont goes and drops some hardcore shade on Lucy by saying that there's a little monster in everyone, including her. Translation: Lucy, stop being such a pain in the butt all the time.

So Mortmont goes to the back room and transforms into his monster self again, and Lucy snaps a picture of him, but in her 12 year old brilliance forgets to turn off the flash. So, she ends up getting cornered by Mortmont while he spits out more quips than a comic book villain. Then, since he hadn't apparently learned the art of bending his knees- Lucy gets away by crawling through his legs and runs home.

In her terror, she forgot her backpack.

So, there ends up being a really creepy scene where Mortmont is trying to convince Lucy to open the door so he can give her the backpack back, but she doesn't take the bait. When her parents get home, she demands to go to develop the film right away and tells them that Mortmont followed her home. Now, this bugs me a bit,

Maybe I'm just reading too much into it, but if your daughter is chased home by a creepy middle aged man in a turtleneck- I'd be more worried. I understand it was to drop off her backpack, and he was just being "nice".However, if he had her address on file, he probably had their phone number too, and there was no reason to follow a pre-teen girl home and try and force her to open the door. But her parents are so blase about it. To the point that when they run into Mr. Mortmont outside the photo place, they invite him to dinner, even though he's kind of low-key stalking their daughter.

So, they're waiting for Mr. Mormont to arrive, and Lucy's mom tells her to behave. Mortmont gets there and awkwardness ensues. Until he asks what's for dinner....

Mom:Well, that was going to be a surprise...but, you.
Mortmont: Pardon?
Me: WHATTT?!

Mom and Dad sprout fangs, turn into snake monsters and eat Mortmont. Lucy and Randy are totally chill with it too.

"Oh honey, you have a smudge of viscera on your cheek" 

It's explained to the viewer that the family is the only family of monsters in town. Mortmont would have totally blown their cover being another monster- and so he had to go. They all have a good laugh and start settling in for the night... when they see another monster out the window.

Mom and Dad get all fangy again until it's revealed that it's just Lucy's best friend Aaron in a mask. They all have cherry pie, and laugh and laugh, and everyone forgets about creepy bug-eating Mortmont.

                                                                   The end. 

Rating: 2/5
Grossness Factor: 3.5/5
Will this give me nightmares; No.

Moral of the story: Even if you cry monster, it's ok, your parents who are also monsters will eat that monster.